Delicious nonsense

This notional minutes extract from the Thursday Next book The Well of Lost Plots (Jasper Fforde) exemplifies the writing that has had me in paroxysms of literary delight since I picked up the first book in the series:

'Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren't you working on this?'

Lady Cavendish stood up and gathered her thoughts.

'Indeed. The use of had had and that that has to be strictly controlled; they can interrupt the ImaginoTransference quite dramatically, causing readers to go back over the sentence in confusion, something we try to avoid.'

'Go on.'

'It's mostly an unlicensed usage problem. At the last count David Copperfield alone had had had had sixty-three times, all but ten unapproved. Pilgrim's Progress may also be a problem owing to its had had / that that ratio.

'So what's the problem in Progress?'

'That that had that that ten times but had had had had only thrice. Increased had had usage had had to be overlooked but not if the number exceeds that that that usage.'

'Hmm,' said the Bellman. 'I thought had had had had TGC's approval for use in Dickens? What's the problem?'

'Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example,' explained Lady Cavendish. 'You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.'

'So the problem with that other that that was that-?'

'That that other-other that that had had approval.'

'Okay,' said the Bellman, whose head was in danger of falling apart like a chocolate orange, 'let me get this straight: David Copperfield, unlike Pilgrim's Progress, which had had had, had had had had. Had had had had TGC's approval?'

There was a very long pause.

This conversation makes a little more sense if you know the Jurisfiction oath:

'I swear by the Great Panjandrum that I shall uphold the rules of Jurisfiction, protect the BookWorld and defend every fictioneer, no matter how poorly written, against oppression. I shall not shirk from my duty, nor use my knowledge or position for personal gain. Secrets entrusted to me by the Council of Genres or Text Grand Central must remain secret within the service, and I will do all I can to maintain the power of storytelling within the minds and hearts of the readers.'

Says it all, really. Lear (Edward, not King), eat your heart out!

Webghoti

Someone's invented a net condom to enhance your PC safety when surfing the increasingly polluted interweb that, if it works as well as the copy claims, is a highly desirable and fairly sexy bit of kit.

Overheard

"If it has no written form, it's not a language."

Cretin.

Slave to the slave

Shackled by the Scroob: So here's how it is: you grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 123, go down five sentences, type out the next three for our reading pleasure.

Then Riane gathered herself, felt stirring in her depths essential fragments of the original Riane personality, a logical, deeply committed core, and she conjured up Earth Granary, the most potent healing spell in her limited sorcerous vocabulary. She had no idea of all of its properties or whether it was the correct spell for what ailed Eleana, but she had to believe it was better than nothing. She instructed the spell to enfold Eleana, felt it take her up in its cradling embrace

The Veil of a Thousand Tears, Eric van Lustbader

Yes, I'm having a reversive fantasy spate. Bite me!

Tag bumpycat, kadekraan and rumint, all of whom I am certain will be reading something at any given moment.

Webghoti

Get rid of the horribly slow and unwieldy Adobe Reader and use Foxit instead. So much sleeker.

Inside news about the Wii

I knew that VIP membership that came with the DS would came in handy one day. Well, I didn't, actually, but it has anyway.

Wii.com has gone live in preparation for launch later this year, and although the Europe site is still inactive, it should go live after this afternoon's European announcement. No need to wait, though, because all the same info is available in English on the North American site! If the Metro is to be believed, Nintendo have a pre-Xmas release in mind for the UK as well, at a touted cost of £115. I'm a little sceptical of the price, which seems to be a simple conversion of yesterday's confirmed US price of $250, but we should know more later today.

(later) The news is out, and my suspicions are confirmed. £180! That's $336! Bah, bloody tech companies taking the Brits for a ride as usual. Not that it's going to stop me buying one, but still. BAH! I say. At least it's going to be here before Xmas, a small consolation I guess.

Webghoti

Yahoo! Mail comes out of beta and is apparently better than Gmail (which seems to like being in beta), and the Democracy internet tv software gets an upgrade.

(while hastily erecting large Hazard symbols around Yahoo!Mail) Stand clear! Mind the irritating ads, please! Watch your head, miss. Annoying 'blurbs overhead, don'tcha know.

Webghoti

In my 'net today:

• iTunes 7, with appraisal: For those of us with iPods.


• Wii launch date confirmed this side of Xmas - for the Japanese, at least

Webghoti

In my 'net today:

• Late-breaking (and very topical) 20 things to do to your blog: Meant for newbies, but just as pertinent for deadites like me.